Identity

By "identity", i mean part of the self type of identity, generally what we like, our bucket lists, our hobbies, things that we go out of our way to see, to do, to feel.

I, for the majority of early adulthood, just went with the flow, made micro decisions based on the current situations we was in, and have not really consciously thought of long term goals, just focused on surviving, didn't really care about anything else, come what may.

Now, having the luxury of time and enough resources to pause and think where to go with life, I started to wonder, who am I? or rather, what do I want, what do I really want, what are the things I find fun? Things worth chasing?

And we're also currently confused, with how to identify them experiences we get, whether they're genuinely fun, or just a result of some conditioning that made us believe them is fun.

Fun, is that even something worth chasing? Is it really bad to follow a life conditioned by others? Isn't that how we get this thing called Identify? Isn't it formed from the amalgamation of the results of these conditionings called experiences?

Haha, we getting confused af, but focus son, we need some focus.

From the bits and pieces we are able to grasp from the gigantic-pile-o-goo of internet stuff, I currently think, to simplify life, we may want to have something going on on these core aspects.

relationships - Family, Friends, Relationships
beliefs - Faith
civic responsibility - serve dem communities yo
self - Survival, Sustenance, Health, Finance

I think above is somehow a well-rounded list of things to anchor and base our life decisions for now.

In general, we are making strides in most of these fronts. We trying to realize what each aspect mean to us. But these ain't free, they come with a fee, a few very costly, they lead to the price of having expectations, for sure experiencing frustrations, and is also bringing a lot of anxiety.

From someone who previously just goes with the flow, someone who has nothing planned ahead, to someone that expect specific results from the future, anticipations of certain outcomes, some big-big lessons are needed to be learned, how to cope with these feelings of anxiety, missed expectations, and frustrations.

We'll see, hope this ain't a waste of time, and hope this is a decent enough direction this always-WIP-self in this iteration of life is headed to.